She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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