are you still at the devil's house?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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