the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
