you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I touched a dick in church today
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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