i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
