she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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