So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
