Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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