you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
