Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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