Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
