im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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