yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
