The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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