There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
