know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
