stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Michael Bay diarrhea
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
