I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
