I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
