My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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