I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
