It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
