I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
