I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
