You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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