i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
