If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
