either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
God, I missed his penis.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
