when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I touched a dick in church today
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
