I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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