wrigley field is MILF paradise
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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