Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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