you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
