He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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