so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
