a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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