And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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