I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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