im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
