I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
