So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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