what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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