I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
