So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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