so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
