Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Less talking, more tequila
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
