i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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