Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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