she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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