Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
