you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
