You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
