Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
