why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
