in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
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