Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
