do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
