You made me cry and you don't even care
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
