Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
