You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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