you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
