dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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