End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
