This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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