If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
