I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
