I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I need to calm my uterus...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
