i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
