All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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