i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize