our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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