Tell her she can't have a vagina
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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