he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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