Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
