You just made me feel so damn special
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
