reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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