Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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