That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
even my farts smell like vagina
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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