my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
try to milk me bitch
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