so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
