I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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