Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
