At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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