i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
