the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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