I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
