i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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