he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
