Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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