yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
