i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize