My friends, they love my intelligence
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
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