tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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