i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Quick, to the slutcave!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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