I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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