I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
