yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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