well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
