She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Enjoy the penises
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
