dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
