So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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