That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
