If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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