the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
