hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The feeling are messing with the penis
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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